A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
But, alas! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher Design than to get her a Husband?
By our Heavenly Father and only because of God, only because of God. We're like other couples. We do not get along perfectly; we do not go without arguments and, as I call them, fights, and heartache and pain and hurting each other. But a marriage is three of us.
Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There's always something.
Daddy was real gentle with kids. That's why I expected so much out of marriage, figuring that all men should be steady and pleasant.
Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands. Remember all men would be tyrants if they could.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
Faithful women are all alike, they think only of their fidelity, never of their husbands.
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
He that loves not his wife and children feeds a lioness at home, and broods a nest of sorrows.
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I married beneath me, all women do.
I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.
I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don't spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.
I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year.
I've had an exciting time; I married for love and got a little money along with it.
I've had two proposals since I've been a widow. I am a wonderful catch, you know. I have a lot of money.
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.
If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again. We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss; volatile spirits prefer unhappiness.
It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Love in marriage should be the accomplishment of a beautiful dream, and not, as it too often is, the end.
Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
Love is often the fruit of marriage.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder.
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
Marriage is a financial contract; I have enough contracts already.
Marriage is a gamble, let's be honest.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Marriage is an exercise in torture.
Marriage is an institution fits in perfect harmony with the laws of nature; whereas systems of slavery and segregation were designed to brutally oppress people and thereby violated the laws of nature.
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.
Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.
Marriage should be a duet - when one sings, the other claps.
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things that made life to me glorious - friendship and learning.
Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
Married couples who work together to build and maintain a business assume broad responsibilities. Not only is their work important to our local and national economies, but their success is central to the well-being of their families.
Married people from my generation are like an endangered species!
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.
Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.
No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable.