Friday, February 25, 2011

How Do You Know If

How Do You Know If
You Married the Right Person?
by Mort Fertel

Here's a wonderful article about the big question most married couples will have on their mind "Did I marry the right person?"

I first came across this insightful article as a forwarded email from one of my close friends. After reading through the article, I found it to be inspiring and hopeful and I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if I can share this with more women?"

And that's what I've done. I've managed to track down the source of the article and have it reprinted it on my site for your reading pleasure.

It's not only for married women, but for you single women out there as well (which includes me). Because we do love the challenging question of "Is he the right one? Is he someone I can spend the rest of my life with?"

Here's the little key to unlocking the mystery...

During one of my live seminars, a woman asked me a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?”

In all seriousness, how do you know?

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

And make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.

Did you enjoy this inspiring story article? Did you get a few good tips in improving your marriage or ways to finding your life partner?

It's been a reaffirming inspirational story to me in some ways. Though I'm not married yet, I too sometimes wondered if my boyfriend was the right one for me. This question usually popped up after we had a fight. ;) Yet somehow after working through each conflict, we would come out stronger both in connection and spirits. I realized that it's not about us finding the perfect person, but more about us learning to love our men and this article reaffirms this idea.

One of my favorite inspirational love quote goes like this...

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
-- biradar mahesh

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